Are you Addicted to Sex?

The essence of all addiction is the addict's experience of powerlessness over compulsive sexual behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The addict may want to stop sexual compulsion -- making promises and many attempts to stop -- yet repeatedly fails to do so. The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer: low self-esteem, isolation, loss of interest in things not sexual, financial troubles, loss of relationships, as well as despair, disease, and even death.

If you are honest with yourself, you'll have the strength and clarity to recognize that sex has become the most important part and goal in your life. You'll notice that you use sex to escape a myriad of feelings, including fear, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, stress, and even use sex to celebrate happy events in your life. I'll help to stay with your pain and move through it. I hope to offer mending to your brokenness and soothing relief from your pain. In working together, I'll help you find explanations for your reliance on faulty solutions (i.e. sex addiction, compulsive overeating). Beyond explanations, my goal is for you to find forgiveness for yourself, and create healthy self acceptance and self love. Instead of being stuck in lust, you'll gain relief from your addiction and experience healthy sexual intimacy. You'll get to know and honestly accept yourself

Twelve Questions for Self-Assessment

  1. Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?
  2. Do you repeatedly find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, internet or other media after having made promises to yourself that you would stop?
  3. Do you feel your sexual drive and activity is getting out of control? Have you repeatedly tried to stop or reduce certain sexual behaviors, but inevitably could not?
  4. Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?
  5. Do you find yourself unable to stop seeing a specific person even though you know that seeing this person is destructive to you?
  6. Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief?
  7. Do you sexual activities include the risk, threat of an arrest, reality of disease, or violence?
  8. Do you feel empty or incomplete when you are alone? Even though you fear intimacy and commitment, do you continually search for relationships and sexual contacts?
  9. Do you find yourself using sex to cope with stress, sadness, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and anxiety? Do you use sex or emotional dependence as substitutes for nurturing, care and support?
  10. Do you become seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies?
  11. Do you assign magical qualities to others. Do you idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling your fantasies and expectations?
  12. Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?

If you answered yes to more than two of these questions please seek help.

Sex (e.g. cybersex, porn, multiple anonymous sexual partners) and Love Addiction are real and You are not alone.

Sex Addiction treatment is a task centered approach. Part of the focus is to alleviate the obsessions and compulsions, and heal the shame, associated with this disease. Instead of surviving in chaos, You can bring order, peace and serenity to your life. The goal is not to stop having sex, but rather to build healthy sexual intimacy.
Please let me know if I may be of help!

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